I have been saying for a fairly long time that we Arabs are not white, despite both our lack of a box on the census form and the fact that we are classified as “white” by the American government. Yes, white people, according to the federal government, we are you!
For the past year or so, I have been in the process of making a documentary called “We’re Not White” that will explore this whole issue. It should be finished any day now. (If I actually were white, I would have a solid release date, but I’m an Arab, so for the past six months, the release date has been “soon.”)
Throughout my lifetime of interacting with and observing white people, I have been able to come to a solid conclusion:
Being white is pretty awesome.
White people, and white guys especially, get to live in a completely different world than the rest of us. I have compiled a short (and surely incomplete) list as to why being white is so fabulous.
1
When you’re white, you never have to say, “Well, of course we don’t all think like that.” Whenever a “disturbed,” “deranged, “ or “delusional” white guy does something crazy (which seems to happen often), CNN never interviews influential white people concerning their reactions to how someone who looks like them could do something so terrible.
2
The white kids I grew up with got a new brown lunch bag every day. I had to bring home my brown lunch bag to be re-used the next day. And if I didn’t, I was going to lunch with one of those 500 plastic grocery bags that my mom had saved up. And don’t even get me started on the kids with lunchboxes. I was never getting one of those. Why would my mom pay $20 for an A-Team plastic lunchbox when I could have a Pathmark plastic lunch bag for free?
3
Also, again, whenever a “disturbed,” “deranged, “ or “delusional” white guy does something crazy (which, again, seems to happen often), white get people get to say, “Well, we just never thought this would happen in our community.” We never get to say this kind of stuff. If someone in my Arab neighborhood of Dearborn got arrested for food stamp fraud, I would never say, “Well, I just never thought this would happen in my community.” That’s exactly the kind of thing I think would happen in my community. But white people get to say it, even though “their” community is the only community “their” kind of stuff ever happens in.
4
White people tell the truth to each other. In my culture, we routinely lie as a matter of social convention. For instance, if I’m at my white friend’s house and his mom asks me if I’m hungry, I politely say “no,” although I am, in fact, hungry. As it turns out, white moms don’t ask again. Also, when my white friends visit me, at some point later in the evening, they eventually indicate that they should leave My cultural reflex is to tell them, “No, please, stay longer.” As it turns out, they actually stay longer. Imagine how awkward it is to explain to your white friends that “no” means “yes” and “stay” means “go.” White people might think Arabs lie a lot, but most of the time it’s because we are just being polite.
5
White people get to say, “That’s reverse racism!” We all know that racism is bad, and putting the word “reverse” in front of it somehow makes it sound even worse. It’s almost as if white people want to be victims of racism, just so they can be part of the club. Of course, “reverse racism” is just when very few white people rarely feel what all the rest of us feel all the time. Now, one might ask, why don’t white people just say “racism”? This is because they know what “forward racism” looks like. They invented it. And they know it’s not the same thing. But if white people are suffering from “reverse racism,” then they are also suffering from “reverse poverty,” “reverse income inequality,” and “reverse racial profiling.” And as it turns out, those things really aren’t that bad.
6
A white guy can grow a beard whenever he likes. Now, I don’t mean he necessarily has the ability, but he does have the option. When an Arab grows a beard, he ends on up on the No-Fly List. When a white guy does it, he ends up on “Duck Dynasty.”
7
But, by far, the best thing about being white is that white guys don’t have the ability to mess it up for other white guys. You see, if I perform somewhere and I’m not that funny, the audience might not go see the next Arab American comedian who swings through town. If Barack Obama were to ever experience a scandal, and I mean a real scandal, not the IRS, or NSA, or Benghazi, I mean something like a baby momma… If that ever happened, no other black guy ever could ever be president ever again. But George W. Bush started a war based on evidence he got from Make-Believe-istan. Almost 40,000 Americans have been killed or wounded. But that didn’t stop John McCain, Mitt Romney, or a litany of other white guys from running for president. We all know what Bill Clinton did… and if term limits didn’t exist, he would still be president today.
So, being white is clearly the most awesome thing to be. I wish I were, but I’m just not. I know I’m not white for one simple reason: white people don’t think I’m white. That’s the real test. Whenever I meet a new white guy, he thinks I’m white until he hears my name. That’s usually the best 30 seconds of our relationship.
White people invented racism? That’s such a racist thing to say!
No, not reverted racism, what kind of silly American expression is that? There is nothing exist as reverted racism. There exist something called racism, and what that means is a matter of semantics. Is it to think that some people in the base of race is better or worse that other? Well sorry dude, that kind of racism existed long before Europe deserved to be called a civilization and our forefathers was busy trowing rocks at each other.
We might be white and might think we are awesome, but we are not all that inventive and awesome.
@maasen89…Hunny, white people DID invent racism. He did not say reverted racism. He said REVERSE racism. And yes, that does exist. It’s a term coined by whites in attempt to categorize themselves as a race that is being discriminated against against the hot pot of minorities that are flooding their country. “such a racist thing to say…” Please!!!
Fuck you.
Honey no we didn’t . White people are awesom. If you don’t like it stay out of our nations.
that’s funny. i grew up in detroit, in the suburb of Bloomfield where there is a large Chaldean Arab community and they refer to themselves as white.
Awesome article as usual Amer! This is coming from a very very caucasian-looking Palestinian as well lol, those first few minutes, wow we feel like equals! Can’t wait till the documentary comes out Amer, good luck and good work!
“Whenever I meet a new white guy, he thinks I’m white until he hears my name. That’s usually the best 30 seconds of our relationship.”
And what happens when you meet a new white woman?
Cry me a river. I love being white. I am proud of my heritage. I love that all of you cry babies hate us. If white people are so bad then stop following us to our awesome nations.
Lol ????
This article honestly offends me but I will keep this no less than non-formal. Your first reason, invalid because saying ” which happens a lot” you are acting as if US white people are the only race to get wild, it is every race that can act out, it has nothing to do with race who acts out, it’s about upbringing and surroundings.
In fact, reason two is invalid as well because this has nothing to do with race, it is about social class, so it is unfair to say all white people are rich, which is a very common “reverse racism” quote. Reason three, you cannot assume all prominently white communities are a vision of “perfect” because any community that has a low crime rate will be shocked when something serious happens. Also, reason four is the most ridiculous argument in this whole article. A mother asking her child’s friend if they want more food or a friend asking another to stay longer has nothing at all with race. Example, my friends mom doesn’t ask me over and over if I want more food because we are both white, no it is because she wants to satisfy my needs. Proof is I live in NJ which is very diverse and she asked all her sons friends, no matter the race, if the would like more food. Also I always want any of my friends to stay longer, no matter the race. You cannot believe that white people DONT lie to each other, because we do. It is human nature to lie. Furthermore, reason five is not sensible in anyway. Reverse racism is mostly likely because society doesn’t approve of white people saying racism was used against them. “White people” did not start racism, slavery started in Africa, which a very low percentage of whites actually come from. It’s unfair that all white people created racism, especially in the day and age. Most white people aren’t racist, although some still are, it is not as if US non-racist white people “created” racism, our ancestors did, and sadly we cannot change that. Reason six has some truth to it, but it isn’t all white people as a society, it’s those racist PEOPLE. I say people because it is not only white people who persecute Arabs, it’s Hispanics, Blacks, Asians, and anyone who doesn’t have enough education about the racism in the world. Reason seven is not because of white people if it is to be true, which cannot be proven or disproven, it is because of society. This is not okay but blaming white people for all racist things happening in our world is not the right path to take, has it honestly gotten us anywhere at this point? Finally, white people are put higher in society than any other race, but getting angry and blaming white people will do nothing to change that. I would love to hear anyone else’s opinions on this topic or if they want to argue for there side of the argument because I understand if you are saying “he is white, he doesn’t get it” so email me to maybe clarify on somethings I am missing on. Thank you. You can contact me at Sean.allen.clark@gmail.com
Get it right ” white people” is not appropriate . We are European Americans . Just like Arabs we descend from many different countries with many different cultures just Arab Americans.
Haha I feel like your the racist and you hate yourself for not being white lol I feel for the person that wrote this, this is why white people say reverse racism, cause your projecting your anger with you being a insecure person who is not a man lol
Lol
Is there such a thing as reverse-reverse-lateral-sideways racism?
Like where I am racist to a black guy and then he gets pissed and goes and commits a racism on a little Asian kid who in turn angers a human trafficker who thereafter kidnaps the little Asian kid’s grandmother and takes her to Taco Bell?
Is that a thing?
If so, it should be on CNN. I would watch the shit out of that.